why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
