I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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