dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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