Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
