Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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