Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
