Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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