It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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