she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
