cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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