I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
