I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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