The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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