i was born a porn star she said
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
