he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
