I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
