I'm so fucking centered right now
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
