we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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