I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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