I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
