it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
