Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
