guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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