i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
