yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
