My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
