dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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