If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
