K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
