It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
