I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Enjoy the penises
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
