The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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