im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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