It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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