So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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