I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
