I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize