please come you make the beer taste better
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
