it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
