He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
