she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
