The maid of honor just puked.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
