is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
