Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
These tits shall not be calmed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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