Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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