oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
