So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
