I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
