Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
