I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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