I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
