You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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