Can i not drive my cunt home
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
