I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
