btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
