i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
