She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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