you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
