Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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