So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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