it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
